The Grass Isn't That Green

Growing up, I couldn’t wait for the weekend to roll around. Friday nights at 8 were the absolute best. That’s when my parents would transform our living room into my brothers’ bedroom. Each night the sofa cushions were removed from what we referred to as the “let-out-couch,” to reveal and unfold the full-sized bed that lay dormant all day. After the linens were tucked and pillows fluffed, I would take my place underneath the sleeper sofa, positioning myself between the two metal support bars. I had a clear and perhaps a much too close view of our family’s television set. For about thirty minutes I was transported to a world where problems were solved in a matter of minutes with laughter, quick wit, and a catch phrase. I thought Man, this must be the life. I would be so happy if my parents were rich or if I were on television. It was the beginning of a beautiful weekend.

I spent many an evening underneath that bed, eyes glued to a box of picture and sound. I must have viewed every episode of Different Strokes. Never once did I think that the children who seemed to have everything they could possibly want had struggles beyond my wildest imagination. It’s ironic how a television show that prompted such happiness to its young audience, produced sadness and misfortune for its three young actors.

Many times, we think the grass is always greener on the other side, when it’s actually astroturf; fake, phony, and painfully rough. God’s word teaches that covetousness leads to "many sorrows" (1 Timothy 6:10; James 5:1). Only God can give true, lasting satisfaction (Psalms 107:9; Isaiah 55:1-2) and joy that cannot be taken away (John 16:22). So many times we want what others have, without realizing what it took for them to obtain it. That brand-new car that you see someone driving, are you willing to live on hot dogs and beans for a year to obtain it? That house that is so beautifully decorated, are you willing to live with the abusive spouse that comes with it? That chubby-cheeked little boy who seems to have the life you desperately want, are you willing to suffer through two kidney surgeries, parents that steal from you and an adult life marred with money woes, continued health issues, anger and bitterness?

The news of Gary Coleman’s passing saddened me. While I didn’t personally know him, he was part of my childhood. A childhood where double-dutch, freeze-tag, hide-and-go-seek, and a walk to my grandmother’s house was a substitute for the non-existent Wii. A time when life was pretty good, despite the fact that I didn’t live in a penthouse on Park Avenue. Truth be told, those things that I thought I needed was simply Satan’s way of planting a seed of covetousness. A seed that if watered by the cares of this world will keep me from God’s best. So when I look at the lives and possessions of others, I try to remember that everything that glitters isn't always gold and that the richness of God is far greater than anything man seeks to obtain.

So as I reflect upon the passing of a piece of my childhood, I thank God for the rich blessings he has bestowed on me throughout my life, and hope that the little boy who brought a smile to many a face so long ago, came to know the Lord before his passing as a man.

Stop and Smell the Flowers

Having just picked up my child from school, in a rush to prepare dinner I made a beeline to the door. My son, who seemed to be moving in slow motion, asked if he could pick the flowers blooming so beautifully in our front yard. I impatiently replied, “No, let them stay there for all to enjoy.” But before I could get the key through the door and scold him for running in the opposite direction, my son quickly picked a daffodil to present to me. “Here Mom,” he politely whispered, “I want you to have it.” Then he began to instruct me, “Put it behind your ear mom.” I did as he said. “Wow you look so beautiful,” he uttered.

In the midst of hurrying to get through the door and get dinner on the table, my son had managed to stop time for me. I took a few minutes to reflect on his life’s journey. You see it was a long, arduous expedition that led to his birth. Infertility had taken its toll on his Dad and I, yet, miraculously, after nine years of tests, diagnosis, infertility treatments, failed in vitro fertilization attempts and an ectopic pregnancy, we rejoiced at God’s miracle: a healthy embryo growing and thriving inside me.

I so enjoyed being pregnant, despite the morning sickness, the shortness of breath I experienced and the occasional discomfort from a growing belly. I viewed myself as God’s willing vessel, a participant in bringing forth new life. During my last trimester, he moved and squirmed so much, I thought he was a contortionist. He made imprints on my protruding mid-section, and I constantly asked my husband to witness the theatrics. I realized space was becoming limited for him and it seemed that he was anxious to make his arrival. And, I was eager to meet him.

My baby came into the world with a very loud scream and my life has not been the same since. He has given me some sleepness nights. It seems like yesterday, I would often be heard commenting, “when will he sleep through the night,” and now how I miss holding him in my arms and feeding him. During his young life I pushed for every milestone, “When will he walk? When will he become potty trained? When will he learn to eat on his own?” Yet, I miss those early stages and realized that my friends with older children, who so wisely stated, “He won’t stay young long,” were so right.

I soon shifted back to the present and finally responded to my son’s thoughtfulness, “Thank you sweetie, you are my biggest fan, next to Dad, and I love you.” He replied with a quick, “You’re welcome Mom,” and focused on his next request, “Can I watch a DVD?”

That day my son taught me a valuable lesson – take time to allow the busyness of life to be interrupted. Yes, life can be hectic. As women, we are balancing multiple roles: wife, mother, professional, housekeeper, Sunday school teacher, volunteer and so much more. But, in the midst of it all don’t forget to stop to smell the flowers. Taking time to enjoy and reflect on God’s blessings will surely transport you to a place of joy, laughter, tears, thankfulness and praise.

In a Word

Scorched is the perfect adjective to describe how I felt sitting in 90 degree weather, insulated in a black cap and gown on a shadeless, breezeless football field. To say I felt like a wilted black rose would be an understatement. But despite the back sweating-stick to your seat-hair flattening temperature, I was certainly glad to be in the number.

Uncertain is the appropriate word. June marks year four for me, here in a different state. Before moving, life had thrown me a series of curve balls. Nothing made sense to me. I was almost forty years old and my life was about to take on a drastic change. I was going to be single, my daughter was on her way to college, I had a new job, my friends and church family would now be six hundred miles away. All the plans that I had made for myself had all but vanished. I was questioning everything, everyone, and God.

Perfect is what God is. In the midst of uncertainty, when things were so chaotic God proved himself over and over again. And often led me to Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” I had all these plans...all these dreams which I neglected to lay before the Lord. While I do not agree with all things “Oprah”, she does make a very profound statement. “God can dream a bigger dream for you than you could ever dream for yourself.” Which leads me back to my sauna of a graduation. Looking back four years ago, I never would have imagined getting another degree but God did. I never would have imagined buying a house by myself but God did. I never would have imagined being blessed the way that I am now.

Thankful is a great word. I am so thankful that God loves me, cares for me and has the perfect plan for my life.

Timing for God is not always our timing. Life may have thrown you a couple of curve balls, that may have you feeling dazed, depressed, and maybe even downright enraged. Just remember God has a plan for you. It may not be a plan you envisioned for yourself, but one that is a more than you could have ever imagine. Be still and know that He is God! Psalm 46:10

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother’s Day to my 70+ year-old mom. A diminutive woman, with a no-nonsense attitude and a BIG personality! As I reflect on my childhood, I stand in awe of all that she did for my siblings and me and how she continues to impact our next generation.

She is a giver. As a young bride, she had a rather difficult decision to make. My aunt, who was a single mom, passed away. My mom agreed to raise two of her children. Later two more of my cousins would join our family. Later in life, another child needed her love and support: now she is mothering a teenage son. Coupled with her biological children, she has reared 11 of us. I get exhausted thinking about all of us running around our three bedroom house; her preparing us for school , church and our annual road trips down south; researching summer programs to keep us busy; refereeing fights and disagreements and constantly providing her unconditional love and support.

An educator. A retired factory worker, she did not go far in school, but she is one of the wisest women I know. With her intuitive mother’s wit, she tutored us all on Sesame Street and The Electric Company. We were expert readers thanks to her personal preschool program. When something was beyond her understanding, she sought the help we needed to achieve and succeed.

Financially savvy. My sister and I have an affinity for classic, timeless clothing, because our mom saw the value of shopping in thrift stores and buying quality rather than trends.

A healthcare expert. She doctored all of us through chickenpox, stomach-aches, toothaches, broken bones and countless other accidents. As we grew older, the illnesses became more serious: epilepsy, diabetes and cancer. She was still there with her gentle spirit, praying for healing and prodding us to seek treatment and take better care of ourselves.

A master chef. She is able to prepare a scrumptious meal in minutes and leave us all wanting for more.

Blunt and to the point. She calls it likes she sees it. If you are wrong, she’ll tell you. If you need to do better, she’ll let you know that too. She challenges us to be and do our best and doesn’t accept excuses.

An advocate. She will go to battle for what is right for the family. Forcing us to talk to each other, when we are too stubborn to realize disagreements shouldn’t keep us apart. If we did well she was at the school making sure we did better; if we weren’t doing well, she was at the school making sure we would do better. Now, she lobbies for her grandchildren’s success.

She has a strong work ethic. She has worked as a maid, a factory worker and babysitter. No job was beneath her, she did what she had to do to help my Dad provide for the family.

She loves her community. Don’t talk about the urban area she calls home. Despite the crime or bad news stories, she is always able to find the good in the city. When prostitutes began to flock to the corners in her neighborhood she overcame them with love. She fed them; encouraged them and told them about the love of Jesus.

Has a great sense of humor. In every church fashion show or every gospel play she’s been involved in, she shuts the place down with her hysterical moves and awesome delivery.

She is an awesome caretaker. With the spirit of a 40 year-old, she is a caretaker for her grandchildren. Her service is priceless. She is not sedentary. She forces this electronic generation to go outside and play, takes them on long walks, reads books to them as if she were in a theatrical production, bathes them, feeds them and prepares them for bed.

Most importantly, she is a woman of God. She is the Proverbs 31 woman. She showed us what it meant to truly love the Lord. Not just by her words, but through her actions.

Mom, for all that you do for our family. We salute you today and every day. Happy Mother’s Day.

Plain and Simple

I just spent the last six months on a wild goose chase. And the sad part about it is, the person who was suppose to be the expert “wild goose chaser” was really no help at all. In the end, I ended up wasting my money and my time. My problem--albeit a bit vain--taught me quite a lesson.

American women want to grow old gracefully, and since I’ve turned 40 I’m no exception to this rule. While melanin may be an African-American woman’s best friend, gravity is not. As the old adage goes, “Black don’t crack,” but it does droop and sag. So in an effort to prevent gravity from taking total control, I began my hunt for products that would make my skin have that firm youthful glow (ironic, when you’re younger you want makeup to make you look older and when you’re older you want make up to make you look younger). My search didn’t last long. I ended up finding the perfect foundation, it was about six or seven bucks more than what I was use to paying, but it was MAC the makeup of the stars, and beauty doesn’t come cheap.

My mission of growing old gracefully was definitely in full throttle. I got compliments from my colleagues and of course when I was told that I didn’t look old enough to have a daughter in college, you know I was definitely feeling myself. Everything was going a-okay, until a speed bump reared its ugly head in the form of acne. Age definitely has its benefits, there’s knowledge, there’s wisdom, there’s confidence, and there definitely shouldn’t be any acne or so I thought. Of course no one likes acne and its down right aggravating. But what’s more aggravating are the people who tell you, you have acne. “Do you know that you have a pimple right there?” ...Ummm, I mean I look in the mirror to do my hair and wash my face how would I not know. Then you have those who proceed to tell you their skin regime, when you haven’t even asked them. Hellooooo people, news flash, not all skin is created equal (What may have worked for you in a situation, may not necessarily work the same for someone else).

After a couple of months of over the counter acne treatments, a facial, and unsolicited skin care advice, I did the only thing left to do. I made an appointment with a dermatologist. My first visit was filled with a series of questions, which basically left them with all my medical history. I left with a prescription for peroxide wash and an expensive topical antibiotic ointment (thank goodness for good insurance) and a follow up appointment. Still the blackheads and cysts kept coming. The expensive antibiotic was replaced with an even more expensive antibiotic (When I say expensive, let’s just say its enough to buy three pair of shoes from Lord & Taylor, and I’m not talking from the sales rack either). Another month passed and still no change, more blackheads and cysts. My visit to the doctor consisted of blood work to check my thyroid and hormone levels, painful acne surgery, a new topical antibiotic prescription, and this time an oral antibiotic as well. I began to ask myself questions. What was my body trying to tell me? Was I stressed? Were my hormones out of whack? Did I need to drink more water? What was I doing different? Was it my pillow? Well it wasn’t my hormones or my thyroid, the results were normal. I threw away my pillow. I wasn’t stressed. What was going on and why couldn’t my doctor figure it out? My questions to myself, became an invitation to my daughter for my pity party. “Maybe its your foundation, mom.” I don’t see how it could be, I mean I used it for a year and a half and I had no problems with it before” I said questioning myself. The answer was all over my face, literally. It was the foundation. The foundation I put all my trust in, because of the price and the names that use it. Immediately, I stopped using MAC, and my skin cleared up within three weeks.

I began to think of all the unnecessary visits, the wasted medication, and of course the money I tossed away all because I thought something was good for me when it actually wasn’t. How many times does God show us something that we shouldn’t have in our lives and we keep it, because we think we know best or it gives us instant gratification. It may be something little we deem harmless, but ends up wreaking havoc in the long run. Galatians 5:9 says A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump. I had a lot of questions and instead of asking God for the answers, I was looking unto man. Growing up and well into my adult years I’ve always heard that God works in mysterious ways, but sometimes the answer is written all over your face.