The Grass Isn't That Green

Growing up, I couldn’t wait for the weekend to roll around. Friday nights at 8 were the absolute best. That’s when my parents would transform our living room into my brothers’ bedroom. Each night the sofa cushions were removed from what we referred to as the “let-out-couch,” to reveal and unfold the full-sized bed that lay dormant all day. After the linens were tucked and pillows fluffed, I would take my place underneath the sleeper sofa, positioning myself between the two metal support bars. I had a clear and perhaps a much too close view of our family’s television set. For about thirty minutes I was transported to a world where problems were solved in a matter of minutes with laughter, quick wit, and a catch phrase. I thought Man, this must be the life. I would be so happy if my parents were rich or if I were on television. It was the beginning of a beautiful weekend.

I spent many an evening underneath that bed, eyes glued to a box of picture and sound. I must have viewed every episode of Different Strokes. Never once did I think that the children who seemed to have everything they could possibly want had struggles beyond my wildest imagination. It’s ironic how a television show that prompted such happiness to its young audience, produced sadness and misfortune for its three young actors.

Many times, we think the grass is always greener on the other side, when it’s actually astroturf; fake, phony, and painfully rough. God’s word teaches that covetousness leads to "many sorrows" (1 Timothy 6:10; James 5:1). Only God can give true, lasting satisfaction (Psalms 107:9; Isaiah 55:1-2) and joy that cannot be taken away (John 16:22). So many times we want what others have, without realizing what it took for them to obtain it. That brand-new car that you see someone driving, are you willing to live on hot dogs and beans for a year to obtain it? That house that is so beautifully decorated, are you willing to live with the abusive spouse that comes with it? That chubby-cheeked little boy who seems to have the life you desperately want, are you willing to suffer through two kidney surgeries, parents that steal from you and an adult life marred with money woes, continued health issues, anger and bitterness?

The news of Gary Coleman’s passing saddened me. While I didn’t personally know him, he was part of my childhood. A childhood where double-dutch, freeze-tag, hide-and-go-seek, and a walk to my grandmother’s house was a substitute for the non-existent Wii. A time when life was pretty good, despite the fact that I didn’t live in a penthouse on Park Avenue. Truth be told, those things that I thought I needed was simply Satan’s way of planting a seed of covetousness. A seed that if watered by the cares of this world will keep me from God’s best. So when I look at the lives and possessions of others, I try to remember that everything that glitters isn't always gold and that the richness of God is far greater than anything man seeks to obtain.

So as I reflect upon the passing of a piece of my childhood, I thank God for the rich blessings he has bestowed on me throughout my life, and hope that the little boy who brought a smile to many a face so long ago, came to know the Lord before his passing as a man.

Stop and Smell the Flowers

Having just picked up my child from school, in a rush to prepare dinner I made a beeline to the door. My son, who seemed to be moving in slow motion, asked if he could pick the flowers blooming so beautifully in our front yard. I impatiently replied, “No, let them stay there for all to enjoy.” But before I could get the key through the door and scold him for running in the opposite direction, my son quickly picked a daffodil to present to me. “Here Mom,” he politely whispered, “I want you to have it.” Then he began to instruct me, “Put it behind your ear mom.” I did as he said. “Wow you look so beautiful,” he uttered.

In the midst of hurrying to get through the door and get dinner on the table, my son had managed to stop time for me. I took a few minutes to reflect on his life’s journey. You see it was a long, arduous expedition that led to his birth. Infertility had taken its toll on his Dad and I, yet, miraculously, after nine years of tests, diagnosis, infertility treatments, failed in vitro fertilization attempts and an ectopic pregnancy, we rejoiced at God’s miracle: a healthy embryo growing and thriving inside me.

I so enjoyed being pregnant, despite the morning sickness, the shortness of breath I experienced and the occasional discomfort from a growing belly. I viewed myself as God’s willing vessel, a participant in bringing forth new life. During my last trimester, he moved and squirmed so much, I thought he was a contortionist. He made imprints on my protruding mid-section, and I constantly asked my husband to witness the theatrics. I realized space was becoming limited for him and it seemed that he was anxious to make his arrival. And, I was eager to meet him.

My baby came into the world with a very loud scream and my life has not been the same since. He has given me some sleepness nights. It seems like yesterday, I would often be heard commenting, “when will he sleep through the night,” and now how I miss holding him in my arms and feeding him. During his young life I pushed for every milestone, “When will he walk? When will he become potty trained? When will he learn to eat on his own?” Yet, I miss those early stages and realized that my friends with older children, who so wisely stated, “He won’t stay young long,” were so right.

I soon shifted back to the present and finally responded to my son’s thoughtfulness, “Thank you sweetie, you are my biggest fan, next to Dad, and I love you.” He replied with a quick, “You’re welcome Mom,” and focused on his next request, “Can I watch a DVD?”

That day my son taught me a valuable lesson – take time to allow the busyness of life to be interrupted. Yes, life can be hectic. As women, we are balancing multiple roles: wife, mother, professional, housekeeper, Sunday school teacher, volunteer and so much more. But, in the midst of it all don’t forget to stop to smell the flowers. Taking time to enjoy and reflect on God’s blessings will surely transport you to a place of joy, laughter, tears, thankfulness and praise.

In a Word

Scorched is the perfect adjective to describe how I felt sitting in 90 degree weather, insulated in a black cap and gown on a shadeless, breezeless football field. To say I felt like a wilted black rose would be an understatement. But despite the back sweating-stick to your seat-hair flattening temperature, I was certainly glad to be in the number.

Uncertain is the appropriate word. June marks year four for me, here in a different state. Before moving, life had thrown me a series of curve balls. Nothing made sense to me. I was almost forty years old and my life was about to take on a drastic change. I was going to be single, my daughter was on her way to college, I had a new job, my friends and church family would now be six hundred miles away. All the plans that I had made for myself had all but vanished. I was questioning everything, everyone, and God.

Perfect is what God is. In the midst of uncertainty, when things were so chaotic God proved himself over and over again. And often led me to Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” I had all these plans...all these dreams which I neglected to lay before the Lord. While I do not agree with all things “Oprah”, she does make a very profound statement. “God can dream a bigger dream for you than you could ever dream for yourself.” Which leads me back to my sauna of a graduation. Looking back four years ago, I never would have imagined getting another degree but God did. I never would have imagined buying a house by myself but God did. I never would have imagined being blessed the way that I am now.

Thankful is a great word. I am so thankful that God loves me, cares for me and has the perfect plan for my life.

Timing for God is not always our timing. Life may have thrown you a couple of curve balls, that may have you feeling dazed, depressed, and maybe even downright enraged. Just remember God has a plan for you. It may not be a plan you envisioned for yourself, but one that is a more than you could have ever imagine. Be still and know that He is God! Psalm 46:10

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother’s Day to my 70+ year-old mom. A diminutive woman, with a no-nonsense attitude and a BIG personality! As I reflect on my childhood, I stand in awe of all that she did for my siblings and me and how she continues to impact our next generation.

She is a giver. As a young bride, she had a rather difficult decision to make. My aunt, who was a single mom, passed away. My mom agreed to raise two of her children. Later two more of my cousins would join our family. Later in life, another child needed her love and support: now she is mothering a teenage son. Coupled with her biological children, she has reared 11 of us. I get exhausted thinking about all of us running around our three bedroom house; her preparing us for school , church and our annual road trips down south; researching summer programs to keep us busy; refereeing fights and disagreements and constantly providing her unconditional love and support.

An educator. A retired factory worker, she did not go far in school, but she is one of the wisest women I know. With her intuitive mother’s wit, she tutored us all on Sesame Street and The Electric Company. We were expert readers thanks to her personal preschool program. When something was beyond her understanding, she sought the help we needed to achieve and succeed.

Financially savvy. My sister and I have an affinity for classic, timeless clothing, because our mom saw the value of shopping in thrift stores and buying quality rather than trends.

A healthcare expert. She doctored all of us through chickenpox, stomach-aches, toothaches, broken bones and countless other accidents. As we grew older, the illnesses became more serious: epilepsy, diabetes and cancer. She was still there with her gentle spirit, praying for healing and prodding us to seek treatment and take better care of ourselves.

A master chef. She is able to prepare a scrumptious meal in minutes and leave us all wanting for more.

Blunt and to the point. She calls it likes she sees it. If you are wrong, she’ll tell you. If you need to do better, she’ll let you know that too. She challenges us to be and do our best and doesn’t accept excuses.

An advocate. She will go to battle for what is right for the family. Forcing us to talk to each other, when we are too stubborn to realize disagreements shouldn’t keep us apart. If we did well she was at the school making sure we did better; if we weren’t doing well, she was at the school making sure we would do better. Now, she lobbies for her grandchildren’s success.

She has a strong work ethic. She has worked as a maid, a factory worker and babysitter. No job was beneath her, she did what she had to do to help my Dad provide for the family.

She loves her community. Don’t talk about the urban area she calls home. Despite the crime or bad news stories, she is always able to find the good in the city. When prostitutes began to flock to the corners in her neighborhood she overcame them with love. She fed them; encouraged them and told them about the love of Jesus.

Has a great sense of humor. In every church fashion show or every gospel play she’s been involved in, she shuts the place down with her hysterical moves and awesome delivery.

She is an awesome caretaker. With the spirit of a 40 year-old, she is a caretaker for her grandchildren. Her service is priceless. She is not sedentary. She forces this electronic generation to go outside and play, takes them on long walks, reads books to them as if she were in a theatrical production, bathes them, feeds them and prepares them for bed.

Most importantly, she is a woman of God. She is the Proverbs 31 woman. She showed us what it meant to truly love the Lord. Not just by her words, but through her actions.

Mom, for all that you do for our family. We salute you today and every day. Happy Mother’s Day.

Plain and Simple

I just spent the last six months on a wild goose chase. And the sad part about it is, the person who was suppose to be the expert “wild goose chaser” was really no help at all. In the end, I ended up wasting my money and my time. My problem--albeit a bit vain--taught me quite a lesson.

American women want to grow old gracefully, and since I’ve turned 40 I’m no exception to this rule. While melanin may be an African-American woman’s best friend, gravity is not. As the old adage goes, “Black don’t crack,” but it does droop and sag. So in an effort to prevent gravity from taking total control, I began my hunt for products that would make my skin have that firm youthful glow (ironic, when you’re younger you want makeup to make you look older and when you’re older you want make up to make you look younger). My search didn’t last long. I ended up finding the perfect foundation, it was about six or seven bucks more than what I was use to paying, but it was MAC the makeup of the stars, and beauty doesn’t come cheap.

My mission of growing old gracefully was definitely in full throttle. I got compliments from my colleagues and of course when I was told that I didn’t look old enough to have a daughter in college, you know I was definitely feeling myself. Everything was going a-okay, until a speed bump reared its ugly head in the form of acne. Age definitely has its benefits, there’s knowledge, there’s wisdom, there’s confidence, and there definitely shouldn’t be any acne or so I thought. Of course no one likes acne and its down right aggravating. But what’s more aggravating are the people who tell you, you have acne. “Do you know that you have a pimple right there?” ...Ummm, I mean I look in the mirror to do my hair and wash my face how would I not know. Then you have those who proceed to tell you their skin regime, when you haven’t even asked them. Hellooooo people, news flash, not all skin is created equal (What may have worked for you in a situation, may not necessarily work the same for someone else).

After a couple of months of over the counter acne treatments, a facial, and unsolicited skin care advice, I did the only thing left to do. I made an appointment with a dermatologist. My first visit was filled with a series of questions, which basically left them with all my medical history. I left with a prescription for peroxide wash and an expensive topical antibiotic ointment (thank goodness for good insurance) and a follow up appointment. Still the blackheads and cysts kept coming. The expensive antibiotic was replaced with an even more expensive antibiotic (When I say expensive, let’s just say its enough to buy three pair of shoes from Lord & Taylor, and I’m not talking from the sales rack either). Another month passed and still no change, more blackheads and cysts. My visit to the doctor consisted of blood work to check my thyroid and hormone levels, painful acne surgery, a new topical antibiotic prescription, and this time an oral antibiotic as well. I began to ask myself questions. What was my body trying to tell me? Was I stressed? Were my hormones out of whack? Did I need to drink more water? What was I doing different? Was it my pillow? Well it wasn’t my hormones or my thyroid, the results were normal. I threw away my pillow. I wasn’t stressed. What was going on and why couldn’t my doctor figure it out? My questions to myself, became an invitation to my daughter for my pity party. “Maybe its your foundation, mom.” I don’t see how it could be, I mean I used it for a year and a half and I had no problems with it before” I said questioning myself. The answer was all over my face, literally. It was the foundation. The foundation I put all my trust in, because of the price and the names that use it. Immediately, I stopped using MAC, and my skin cleared up within three weeks.

I began to think of all the unnecessary visits, the wasted medication, and of course the money I tossed away all because I thought something was good for me when it actually wasn’t. How many times does God show us something that we shouldn’t have in our lives and we keep it, because we think we know best or it gives us instant gratification. It may be something little we deem harmless, but ends up wreaking havoc in the long run. Galatians 5:9 says A little leaven leaveneth the whole lump. I had a lot of questions and instead of asking God for the answers, I was looking unto man. Growing up and well into my adult years I’ve always heard that God works in mysterious ways, but sometimes the answer is written all over your face.

The Assassination of Procrastination

I put a “hit” on procrastination. I want it abducted, tormented and ultimately annihilated. Procrastination has severely impacted my life. I wished it away, but to no avail. I kicked it in the shins, only to be kicked back. I’ve wrestled it to the ground, but it just got back up again.

I have been tussling with procrastination for decades. It reared its ugly head when I was a teenager, as I began to cram for tests and prepare essays and book reports the night before they were due. The problem escalated in college: I missed opportunities and deadlines and scored low on too many midterms and finals. As I evolved into an adult, procrastination joined the evolution. It has caused me unnecessary stress at work; the loss of money and time with my family and so much more.

Just two weeks ago, it made an unwanted appearance. There I was, with my child, helping him with an art project minutes before he was to depart for school. I became frustrated and started to raise my voice, but the truth is I had two weeks to make sure he completed this assignment, yet here I was again beset by procrastination. I felt guilty for yelling at my son for something that was clearly my fault. More importantly, I had inadvertently introduced him to procrastination.

I vowed to rid myself of this horrible habit before it seeped into my son’s life, thus the “hit.” But, how can I truly destroy something that has so vehemently affected my life and the lives of so many others?

Here’s my plan of attack:

PRAY. The Bible says the “effective prayer of a righteous person has great power.” (James 5:16). I believe in the power of prayer. I know God can alter any situation or help restrain any bad habit if we simply consult him about it. “Acknowledge him and he shall direct your path.” (Proverbs 3:6)

FAST. This spiritual discipline requires abstaining from food to focus on God for the strength, wisdom and direction you need. (Mark 9:29) To break a decades-old habit, going the extra mile is definitely warranted.

MEDITATE on the WORD. “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7) In order to change a behavior, changing your thought process is vital. Focusing on scriptures that deal with slothfulness (Hebrews 6:12) and, timeliness (Ecclesiastes 3:1) will surely lead to a renewed mind.

BE AWARE OF THE CONSEQUENCES. The parable of the ten virgins (Matthew 25: 1-13) clearly highlights the missed opportunity as a result of dawdling. Five women reaped the benefits of being prepared, while the other five suffered mightily.

As the Nike slogan goes, JUST DO IT. “I must work the works of him that sent me, while it is day: the night cometh, when no man can work.” (John 4:9) As a procrastinator, this is by far the most difficult task. But, with God’s power it can be done.

This week, let’s focus on this plan of action, in addition to writing down our goals for the week. Let’s commit to completing them all. Then let’s get together to celebrate the assassination of procrastination.

Hope Springs Eternal

When the weather outside is frightful and the thought of spring is the only thing that seems delightful, what visions emerge in your mind’s eye? Is it pink ribbons wrapped neatly around curls, cotton-candy colored dresses, and glossy cocoa-buttered legs with ruffled ankle laced socks stuffed into shiny patent leather MaryJanes ready for Easter Morning, or an early morning jam session of a robin in a budding tree that dances through you minds. Maybe it’s a sliver of grass that has found its way through the crevice of a city sidewalk, or the yellow blanket of pollen that saturates everything.

Well spring is here! Images that were once far away dreams are now reality. I don’t know about you, but things can get a little depressing after the winter holidays. Gone are those lazy day blues. Energy that was once lost in the doldrums of winter has emerged, giving me that extra spring in my step. Flowers are blooming, allergies are in full swing--thanks, pollen--, days are longer, and the weather is perfectly delightful; especially for displaying freshly pedicured toes in 3" heel gladiator-inspired sandals with buckle closure at the ankle by Nine West -- hint, Mother’s Day is coming up soon--.

I’m one of those people that simply can’t wait for spring to arrive. For one, it marks the countdown until the end of the school year. When you’re in the middle of a lesson and your favorite boy wonder raises his hand--turning what you thought is an “aha” moment to an “I know you didn’t” one-- asking in front of the entire class “Have you ever had a cocktail?”... let the countdown begin.

Spring has always been that time of year, I find refreshingly optimistic. It’s filled with hope, reminding me that all things are possible through the resurrecting power of Jesus Christ. In these trying times when it seems like the world around us is crumbling, when life is murky and mysterious, we need hope. A hope that Rev. Milton Brunson sang about more than 20 years ago (which is still apropos for today, take a listen). A hope that is more than just wishful thinking. One that is not placed in man, a hope that the Bible speaks of: a confidence and assurance concerning the future based on God's promises. Hope is a crucial ingredient of the life of the righteous. As Christians we should never be without hope. But let’s keep it real. Sometimes, there are circumstances that come into our lives that leave us filled with anxiety, doubt, and depression. Circumstances that the enemy tries to knock us off the very foundation we stand. The mistake many of us make is to deny these feelings or see it as some sort of weakness. It is through these difficult times that His strength is made perfect, 2 Corinthians 12:9. When life’s moments seem to have gotten the best of you, that’s the time to cling to the eternal hope of Christ. Romans 8:24-25 “For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for? But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.” So, when the doldrums of life get you down, just remember hope springs eternal.

Here are some verses that will remind you to remain hopeful:

Psalms 31:24 Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the LORD.

Psalms 42:5 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance.

Psalms 119:116 Uphold me according unto thy word, that I may live: and let me not be ashamed of my hope.

Psalms 119:116 Uphold me according unto thy word, that I may live: and let me not be ashamed of my hope.

Psalms 146:5 Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the LORD his God:

Jeremiah 17:7 Blessed is the man that trusteth in the LORD, and whose hope the LORD is.

Lamentations 3:24 The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.

Lamentations 3:26 It is good that a man should both hope and quietly wait for the salvation of the LORD.

Romans 5:2 By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.

Romans 12:12 Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;

Romans 15:4 For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.

Titus 1:2 In hope of eternal life, which God, that cannot lie, promised before the world began;

Titus 2:13 Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ;

Titus 3:7 That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.